A Positive in the Negative
by Charlotte Mason
Summary: A 7x01 'Driven' AU story, Kate finds out she's pregnant during Castle's disappearance.
1. Chapter 1

Castle, her fiancé, has been missing for 3 weeks now. Three weeks of living in a hellish nightmare, where each dead end is harder and harder to accept. She has been working nonstop trying to follow even the smallest lead.

It hits her one morning as she opens the cabinet door below the sink, in the bathroom of her apartment. She squats down to look into the open cabinet door for a new razor. Kate grabs the box of razors opens it, and takes one out. As she put the box back, her arm brushes against the box of tampons, the unopened box, which had been under her sink for a while since she had been spending her time at the loft.

She slowly rises to stand up, her brain working frantically and processing the information. She places the razor on the counter. No, she thinks, no, how long has it been? She races out of the bathroom into the bedroom to retrieve her phone from the night stand. She picks up the phone, enters the password and brings up the calendar. She looks for the last time she marked her period in her calendar. She has to scroll back to April 26 before she finds the date.

Her heart sinks and then starts to pound in her chest. She takes several deep breaths to keep herself from panicking and calm her racing heart. Be realistic, Kate, she tells herself, maybe with the stress of trying to find Castle her body is out of whack, but she has a sinking feeling that's not the case.

She needs an answer, needs to know if she's carrying Castle's baby.

As her mind continues to race with thoughts, she wants to know if this some type of cruel cosmic joke that is laughing in her face. Is the universe taunting her with a reminder of how much she misses Castle? Telling her she won't be able to find Castle? That she will have to carry his baby and raise it on her own without him? No! She will find Castle and they will have their perfect day. Castle said it himself they can't stop fighting for their happy ending!

Taking one last deep breath she realizes she needs to go to the drug store and get a test. That way she can get an answer.

She dresses quickly, grabs her purse and heads to the drugstore a block away.

She walks into the drug store and heads down the aisle.

Why are there so many tests to pick from? There are tests that give you an electronic answer and ones that give you the answer with lines. For some reason all these choices make her feel overwhelmed. She reaches for a test and decides to take one of each. Holding both tests in her hand she walks to the checkout, pays, then heads back to her apartment.

On the walk back to her apartment she thinks about the discussion she and Castle had after watching Benny. She wants to make babies with Castle, she wants carry his child; she wants to do this with him. She will do this with him, she will find Castle. Enough she tells herself, no need to get all worked up until she gets the answer.

Gathering herself she heads up the stairs to her apartment, anxious to get that answer. Opening the door, she puts her purse down, takes her bag from the drugstore and heads to the bedroom.

She then heads into the bathroom and puts the bag from the drugstore on the bathroom sink and pulls the tests out. She reads the directions for both tests, which end up being the same. She unbuttons her pants and pulls them down along with her panties and sits on the toilet.

She can't believe she's really doing this; she's going to pee on stick to find out if she's carrying a baby, Castle's baby. The tears are building; she never thought she would do this alone.

Her mind drifts to how she thought this moment would go, having to shove Castle out of the bathroom and make him wait outside the closed bathroom door. She did not want him staring at her while she sat on the toilet to pee on a stick.

Back to the present, the reality of this hits her, as she holds one of the pregnancy tests with her fingers. Things have always been difficult and challenging for them, this is just another hurdle to jump. At least that's what she keeps telling herself, hoping it will lead her to believe that truth.

The deed is done and she places both pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter, sets her phone timer for 3 minutes and waits.

She went back to her bedroom and sat on the bed, waiting for the timer go off.

Her mind was racing, how would she tell Martha, Alexis, her dad? Her mind drifted to how she ended back at her apartment. Martha and Alexis were crushed when she told them she needed to stay at her place for a few days. She just felt she couldn't put the proper murder board, well missing person board, together living with them. She didn't want them to see what little information she had. She needed to find a useful lead, a solid lead.

She hears the timer go off, bringing her back to the present. Getting off the bed and walking into the bathroom she looks at the tests, both were positive. She and Castle made a baby! She was now even more determined to find Castle, their baby needs him. She needs him.

* * *

_A/N This is the first fanfic I have ever written. I would appreciate your feedback. Prompt from CastleFanFicPrompts on tumblr. After Castle's car crash Kate discovers she pregnant._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N I am so sorry for the long wait on this chapter. As a new writer I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I decided to continue this story. A huge thank you, which still doesn't seem enough, to The-KLF who agreed to beta this story. She helped me take a pile of jumbled words and change it into something that makes sense. Also, a thank you to lousiemcdoogle for introducing me to THE-KLF. These two are fantastic writers, go check out their work! I hope you enjoy the chapter, and I would love to hear your thoughts! :) And yes, there will be another chapter._

_**# * # * # * # ***_

Kate looks at the two pregnancy tests sitting on the bathroom counter, one with a positive sign, and the other with the word pregnant. _Deep breaths_, she tells herself, but the tears are uncontrollable. She lifts her eyes to look at herself in the mirror, and one thing about this moment strikes her: she is alone. At one of the most important life changes she'll ever have, she doesn't have her partner, the father of her baby, he's not here and she has no idea where he is. This should be a joyous moment, but all she feels is guilt. Guilt that she hasn't tried hard enough to find him.

She lets herself cry and feel the pain and emptiness of missing him, and of finding out by herself, but after a few minutes she calms down and realizes that she now has someone to care for, someone who is relying on her. This life, her baby, is relying on her to make the right judgment calls, and most importantly, take care of herself.

_Oh boy!_ She definitely needs to take better care of herself. This life is depending on her to nourish herself properly and get enough rest. All those late nights at the precinct which lead her to falling asleep at her desk are going to have to go. She's going to have to change the way she has thrown herself into her work to cope with the pain.

One decision she makes quickly is to keep this news to herself. There's no need to let Castle's family and her Dad in on this baby until she gets confirmation. She's only going to keep them in the dark until her first doctor's appointment. She wants them to know and she'll need their support through the pregnancy.

Thankful to whatever stroke of luck made it her day off, she decides to head out for a run, to clear her head and plan the next steps. She changes into her running clothes and heads out of her apartment, choosing to take in the sights and sounds around her rather than listen to music, in the hope that it will help her think more clearly.

She bumps into several neighbors on her way down the steps, all of whom seem surprised to see her, and shocked by her appearance, her eyes still puffy and red from crying. She's grateful that no one tries to stop her to start a conversation.

She opens the door and exits her apartment building to find it's a surprisingly comfortable June day. She turns right and walks toward the park that is only three blocks from her place.

She can't believe that the first person she notices is a pregnant woman who looks as though she's almost at her due date: miserable, uncomfortable and with that distinctive waddle. What really makes her heart clench is the woman's companion. This man seems in awe of her and proud… and something else she can't explain. As the couple walks towards her, she sees the woman huff and puff, and the man just looks at her with a smile before he lifts her hand up to his lips to give it a kiss. The woman's face breaks into a wide smile, and leaves Kate almost in agony. Will she find Castle soon enough to experience a moment like this with him?

As she arrives at the park, she steps into a run, heading onto the four mile loop around the edge. She feels her heart rate elevate and the sweat prickles under her skin in a way she knows will mean it'll soon be dripping down her back and face, and she lets the endorphins purge her of the negative energy and thoughts that threaten to consume her.

She almost begins to think of the past weeks and Castle's disappearance. With leads slipping away and dead ends having never been so frustrating, she shelves thoughts of the case for later, and makes herself focus on the fact that she is really pregnant.

So much is going to change now, with her body and the focus for her life. She's going to be a mother, something she thought she would never want. She's not really sure if she'll have enough time to get herself used to the idea before the baby arrives.

She feels compelled to make a plan of action, and starts making it in her head. She has already decided how to handle the news with her and Castle's family, and ticks it off her mental list. Next is to make an appointment with her doctor. That way she can get her questions answered and know her little one is doing well.

She feels a little bit of weight lifting off her at this decision. It feels good to have something she can control, unlike the lack of leads with Castle's disappearance.

As her starting point comes into view she slows down and begins to walk. Her heart pounding in her chest, she feels much better and her mind feels cleared out, ready to conquer this unexpected turn life had taken. Though this baby is unexpected, that in no way means she doesn't want this little one. She glances around the park, taking in the children laughing and jumping around on the playground, couples enjoying their time together, all of these people totally unaware of the struggle in her mind. She's ready to head home, take a shower and continue working on the list.  
_**  
# * # * # * # ***_

Kate walks out from the air-conditioning of her doctor's office building straight into the hot breeze of New York in July. She pulls her sunglasses off the top of her head to slip them on. It's been six weeks since she found out about the pregnancy and she's walking out of her first OB-GYN appointment carrying all the literature they gave her, plus something else she will forever cherish: ultrasound pictures of her baby. She also has assurances that the baby looks great, and everything is on track for her due date at the end of January.

She's nervous as she heads to the subway station. She knows it's time to tell her dad, and Castle's mother and daughter, and having already called her dad before her appointment she's on her way to meet him at a restaurant around the corner from his law office.

Down the steps and into the subway station she goes, the train rushing to meet her with a loud screech of its brakes. She fights her way onto to the car as others fight their way off, managing to grab an empty seat.

She feels like she can breathe a sigh of relief now that she has seen her baby. With all the uncertainties of Castle's disappearance, this has been just the thing she needs to lift her spirits. In her heart she believes she'll find Castle alive, how could she not after all they've been through? But she feels a constant pull with her knowledge as a cop that as each passing day goes by, the likelihood of him being found alive dwindles. For once, she pushes her cop instincts away and lets her heart win this battle. She wants to imagine a family she will create with Castle. She can already picture their baby with his beautiful blue eyes! In so many ways she is thankful for this little one, this baby who helps keep her grounded when she wants to lose hope.

She feels the train begin to slow down and the squealing brakes grind against the wheels as it pulls into her stop. She pushes her way through the crowd and walks up the stairs into the fresh air, setting off towards the restaurant, only a block away.

As soon as she walks into the restaurant she spots her dad sitting at a table near the middle, the waitress taking his order. She walks over and gives him a big smile as she takes a seat across from him. After they say hello, the waitress brings them both a glass of ice water, with a promise to return for their food order soon, and Jim waits for her to leave before he gives Kate a good, long look from across the table.

"You seem happier than usual today."

She looks back at him, still with a smile on her face, knowing that she couldn't wait any longer to tell him. She has been keeping this baby to herself for far too long, and she didn't realize how good it would feel to finally share her exciting news even with everything going on with Castle's disappearance.

She reaches into her purse, pulls out one of the pictures from her ultrasound and slides the picture across the table. Her dad looks down at the picture, his eyes wide.

"Katie… you're… you're going to have a baby?"

She looks at him with tears in her eyes and finds herself confessing it all, barely stopping for breath in her excitement, "Yes, Dad, I'm pregnant. I found out three weeks after Castle went missing. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner… I-… I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. I needed time to process

everything. I had my first doctor's appointment this morning."

"Of course, Katie, I understand. You're going through a lot." He looks over at her and smiles and then places his hand on top of hers and gives it a squeeze before withdrawing when the waitress arrives to take their food orders. They both order the grilled chicken salad with balsamic vinegar dressing and the waitress promises to be quick with their food.

Kate glances at her dad, "I want to be happy about this baby… I am happy about this baby. I'm just struggling with the circumstances of how this is happening. I feel like I have no right to have something to be happy about, but I know that's not true. Castle would want me to be excited about the baby, I just… I really need him here with me. I need to find him"

Her dad nods with understanding. "You're allowed to have happiness, Katie. I think Rick would want you to enjoy this journey." He paused and gave her a little grin, "And I can't wait to meet my grandchild."

Their food arrives and the conversation moves to Jim's caseload as they began eating. It's a relief for Kate to talk about something other than her fiancé's disappearance and they enjoy a healthy debate on a class action lawsuit that involves a pharmaceutical company.

As lunch comes to an end, her dad pays the bill and they walk out of the restaurant to part ways. Jim turns around to wrap his arms around his daughter, whispering in her ear, "Everything's going to be okay, you're going to find Rick, and raise this baby with him." And with that he turns and walks toward his office building.

Kate smiles at his back while placing a hand low on her abdomen, feeling more than ready to meet with Martha and Alexis and let them know the good news.

_**# * # * # * # ***_

That very evening she arrives at the loft and lets herself in, the aroma of Alexis' cooking wafting all the way over to the door. Even though she still isn't staying at the loft, Kate makes sure to keep in touch with Martha and Alexis, keeping them informed. They are a family no matter how unconventional it seems.

"Hi Kate," Alexis says as she smiles at her from the kitchen. "I'm just waiting on the spaghetti noodles and then I'll serve up."

The dining table has already been set, and as she walks towards the kitchen she looks over to see Martha walking down the stairs.

"Katherine," the older woman exclaims. "It's so good to see you." Kate looks over at Martha and gives her a little wave, accepting her hug with a smile.

She looks back over to see Alexis bring another dish to the table. "Alright, Grams, Kate, dinner is served."

Martha loops her hand into the crook of Kate's arm and together they walk over to table as Alexis sits down and starts to serve out some salad. The meal looks and smells wonderful and Kate's thankful that her sometimes nauseated stomach is cooperating today.

They're quiet while they begin eating the meal and not much is really said, but it's not uncomfortable. Neither Martha nor Alexis ask if there are any leads in Castle's disappearance, both of them know she would have let them know if there was any news to share. Kate speaks about the case she just closed. It s an odd one that really had her missing Castle. He definitely would have suggested a wild theory about the mob or CIA. Alexis also shares a story about the internship she has taken at a nonprofit.

As the meal is finishing up, and the food on the three women's plate is consumed, Kate knows she can no longer wait to tell them her news. She steels herself and dives in, "Martha… Alexis, I have something I need to tell you." Both of them look over to her, an anxious look on their faces. "I'm pregnant." She blurts and leaves them in stunned silence at the table as she gets up and walks over to her purse. She pulls out the ultrasound pictures and walks back over to the table to sit down. She puts the ultrasound pictures on the table. Alexis and Martha reach over to each pick one up.

"I had my first doctor's appointment today, and the doctor says everything looks great. As of today I am 10 weeks along and the baby is due at the end of January."

Martha looks at her, her eyes misted with unshed tears. "When did you find out?"

Kate turns to Martha, a slightly sheepish look in her eyes, "I took a test 3 weeks after Castle's disappearance. I just needed some time to process this and I wanted a doctor's confirmation before I told you." Martha nods with approval. Kate looks over to Alexis and sees the young woman nod along with her grandmother.

Kate presses her clammy palms to her thighs, sucking in a breath of relief that neither Martha nor Alexis is upset that she waited until the doctor's appointment before sharing her news about the baby.

Martha reaches over with both of her hands to grab both of Kate's, "You're going to find Richard, and then you two will raise this baby together." Kate nods along with the women, silent tears of joy running down her cheeks. "Until Richard is found, Alexis and I are here to support you in whatever you need in this pregnancy." Martha releases Kate with a little wave of her hands. "Now let's eat dessert!"

Alexis gets up and brings over the dessert, "We're going for simple tonight, brownies." She cuts Kate and Martha each a piece, places the dessert plate in front of them.

The three begin to eat their brownies and just as Kate is about to take a bite, she looks over at these two ladies and thinks of her dad, a smile forms. She knows herself, knows how she likes to crawl into a hole by herself, build a wall to keep those who care out, but she can't do that now. She needs the support of those who will love her baby as much as she does. She can't do this alone and she doesn't have to, which is hard for her to embrace, but she must. She puts the piece of brownie in her mouth and looks over to Martha as she begins her story. It's from one of her acting classes today, and is told with only the wild dramatics Martha can offer, by the end of the story they're all laughing. In the midst of the laughter she makes out the loud ringtone of her phone. She ignores it and lets the call go to voicemail, but as soon as the ringing ends it starts back up.

She looks over to Martha and Alexis, "Sorry, I guess I better answer it."

She walks over to the couch where her purse is and picks up the phone, Ryan's name across the screen. Strange, since he knows it's her day off, and he'd only call if…

No… it couldn't be…

"Beckett," she says into the phone.

"Kate… they found him…"


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N A huge thank you to my awesome beta The-KLF. I'm so sorry it has taken me forever to post this. Enjoy!_

* # * # *

As awareness seeps into his brain, all he can think is that he must still be alive. His head is throbbing along with a warm sensation on the skin of his face. He doesn't feel pain anywhere else, so he assumes he wasn't injured too badly. His last memory is his car being pushed off the side of the road, on the way to his wedding. He hears a voice calling out to him to bring him even more into the present.

"Richard... Richard, are you awake?" Oh boy, he's not sure he has the strength to open his eyes and face reality.

What he knows for certain is that the tremulous voice calling to him is not that of his fiancée. He's disappointed already. His eyes slowly open and begin to focus on the red haired person, who is close to his face. It's his mother, her face beams with a joyous smile.

"Where's Kate?" He wants her to be the person he awoke to.

"Richard, it's nice to see you awake," she smiles again at him and squeezes his hand. "How are you feeling?"

"I… I feel okay, my head is a little sore. Where's Kate?" He's really surprised she's not here after the accident he was in.

"Katherine is out checking on a lead in your accident, and I told her I would call as soon as you woke."

A nurse walks in with a smile and begins to ask him a few perfunctory questions, to which he responds easily with the same answers he gave his mother.

The nurse continues her walk over to the computer in his room to document what's going on with her patient. "Mr. Castle, I'm going to ask you a few more questions, as well as page the doctor to come see you."

"Okay… yeah, of course." He knows this is all standard medical procedure, but he really wants to see Kate. His breathing quickens as he thinks about how she must be devastated. He'd told her they would get their happy ending, and they were well on their way to it, until he was run off the road by a SUV.

His mother looks over to him, "I'll go call Katherine to let her know you're awake."

Martha stands up and gives her son a squeeze on the hand and disappears out into the hallway.

He looks over to see the nurse typing quickly. Her attention is only for the screen in front of her. She finally completes her task and looks over to him. "Mr. Castle I'm going to wait until the doctor gets here before we get to those questions I mentioned. Do you need anything before I leave?"

He looks to the table that's next to his bed with water and crackers on it. Not that he's hungry right now. "No, I'm fine, thank you."

She smiles at him and steps out of the room

He has this weird feeling that something is going on, but it's probably just his writer's imagination getting the better of him. He closes his eyes and relaxes into the pillow, deciding to wait for his mother to return before he can come up with any theories on it.

He must have fallen asleep because he wakes to his mother's gentle touch on his hand as she whispers his name into his ear. He turns his head and can't help the quirk of his lips at the way her face is lit up with a smile when she sees him.

"Katherine is on her way up. I'm going to go meet her at the elevator, and then I'm going to head home for some rest. Take care kiddo." She leans over to place a kiss on his forehead and he hums in response.

He cannot wait to see Kate and hopes she will be understanding of the accident. He knows she was upset with the Rogan drama and took it hard about her previous forgotten marriage. Thankfully they were able to resolve that, and move onto their wedding. Well… they would have, if only they'd been able to start their wedding.

He hears the click of heels as someone walks down the hallway towards his room, and though he can't see out into the hallway, he recognizes that stride. That distinct and strong pace, it's definitely Kate. When she appears at the doorway to his room, she's just as beautiful as he remembers.

She stands there and looks him over, finally meeting his eyes.

"Hey." Her tone is clipped and sharp, and he's almost too excited to notice.

"Hi," He replies back to her a bright smile on his face. "Please, come in….I…I owe you an apology for putting a kink in our wedding plans. I'm so sorry."

Kate doesn't budge from leaning on the doorframe to his room, folding her arms across her chest as she ducks her head down.

"I… I'm not sure I can do this Castle." Her green eyes are misty when she raises them to meet his, her voice quivers as the words come out.

He continues to look at her, and she finally takes a deep breath and places her right foot in his room and walks over to the side of his bed. He reaches his hand over to grab hers and she takes a step back from him.

"Castle, tell me what you remember," She speaks with her firm cop voice, demanding compliance.

He frowns a little. "I was run off the road by a black SUV."

"No, I mean what happened after that," She folds her arms again and it just makes him frown even more.

"There is no after that. I was run off the road by a black SUV and then I woke up here."

She lets out a frustrated growl as she steps away from him and turns around, a heavy sigh heaving her shoulders up and down. She places her hands on her hips as she slowly turns back around to him.

"So… all you remember is being run off the road. Castle, how is that possible?" She takes a few more steps towards his bed, her hands now slide into the pockets of her pants. She narrows her eyes at him and he wonders if she believes the confusion etched in his face is real.

"Castle, you've been missing for two months. There's more you need to tell me. What could have possibly happened to have to cause you to set up a campsite on the coast of Massachusetts?"

His jaw drops, "Wait… what? I… I didn't do that. I was being chased by a black SUV, it ran me off the road and I woke up here." He gestures to the room with a dismissive wave but she rolls her eyes at him. "That's all that happened… that's what I remember. I was driving and was run off the road and then I woke up here, there's nothing else to remember." His eyes are wide, pleading with her to believe his words.

He looks away from her, pinching the bridge of his nose as he closes his eyes trying to comprehend what Kate has just told him. It's a shock to him; two months, he's been missing for two months? Where the hell has he been? He can't remember anything between the car accident and waking up in the hospital. This can't be real… he can't have amnesia, that sounds so cliché.

And, perhaps worse – if such a thing were possible – he's unknowingly hurt his fiancée, hopefully not too deeply to repair. He never wants to hurt her, he loves her too much.

He opens his eyes and looks over to her, her expression isn't giving much away and he can't read her. She's in full cop mode, trying to read him and gauge his reactions when the nurse returns with the doctor, effectively ending any chance to finish off the conversation and he despairs as Kate takes the opportunity to slip out of the room.

Castle's day just keeps getting worse. Having gotten a reprieve from Beckett's interrogation, the doctor's examination more or less turns into one anyway as he is asked what he can and cannot remember of the last twenty-odd years. Finally the questioning ends when the doctor and nurse leave him in the quiet of his room.

He doesn't even know where to start with Kate. He's certain she will question his amnesia, mainly because of her past. It's true this time though: he can't remember and he's lost two months of his life. Kate and his family must have been living a nightmare, wondering where he was, if he was still alive. How is he going to make this right? Repair his relationship with Kate? And, to some extent, his mother and daughter. They at least don't seem too bothered by the disappearance as much as Kate does. He understands why she might be thinking like this though, she's a cop. It just hurts to know that she thinks the worst, she probably thinks that he ran off to get away from her.

* # * # *

His sense of unease lingers throughout the rest of his stay in hospital, and right through the visit they make immediately upon his release to the campsite where he supposedly stayed. Nothing feels right about the plot he is meant to have chosen to pitch his tent.

Kate walks to the opposite side of where he's standing and places her hands in the pocket of her coat. She looks over to him and closes her eyes before she speaks, a single tear slides down her face.

"Castle this is where we found your belongings, in a tent here. I… I saw your wedding tux." Her eyes open, tears brimming on her lashes. "I thought you wanted to marry me, make a family together." Her voice is shaky as she tries to continue. She clears her throat and looks at him before she speaks again.

"What the hell were you doing here? Are you really telling me you don't remember being here?" She shifts her weight from side to side, hands balled into fists at her sides when she sets her jaw and stares him down.

"Kate…." He begins quietly, keeping his voice low as if speaking to a spooked animal, "I didn't camp here. I couldn't have camped here." She turns with a growl and begins to walk away from him. "Please Kate, just hear me out." Castle chases after her, cupping her elbow when he reaches her to make her stop. She slows her steps and turns around to face him with a look of silent expectation. He takes this as a cue to start talking.

"Kate, I would never camp this close to the water. I… I did some research several years ago about tsunamis for a Derrick Storm book I thought about writing, and while doing that research I developed an unrealistic fear of tsunamis. If I had camped around here I would have chosen a higher elevation. Plus, I would never leave you to just camp. Something isn't right about this." He doesn't know what else to say to her to get her to believe him or at the very least put a twinge of doubt in her mind.

"Castle, there's a witness." She turns back around to continue to walk up the hill. He raises his arms in frustration before slapping them against his thighs and blowing out a deep breath.

He trots up the hill behind her and soon they reach a mobile home. She still hasn't said a word to him, as she knocks on the door. A man opens the door and he watches as her expression changes from assured to bewilderment. Castle suddenly realizes that the man who answered the door was not who she expected to speak with.

Kate turns around and glares at him. "What the hell is going on?" She speaks in a quiet snappy voice to herself.

The ride back to the city is just as quiet as it was on the way there. He can see the uncertainty in her face, along with flashes of what he thinks might be relief. He's just plain confused about this whole situation and there seems to be little information on where he's been. He really wants to talk about the case, but thinks it's best to just embrace the silence. He knows how Kate ticks and this ride should give her plenty of time to work out things in her head.

He also has some things to work out in his own head, it's early in the afternoon and he knows it could potentially be a late night at the precinct. He wants to see what evidence there is and go over it together. They're going to have to head home at some point, he's anxious that she may not want to return to the loft with him. Since apparently he's been missing for two months, he's pretty sure she's probably retreated to living in her apartment again. And that's okay, if she had been missing for two months he would probably end up in the guestroom or on the couch. There's no way he would be able to sleep in their bed without her.

He glances over again to look at her trying not to be too obvious, but it's hard. She just takes his breath away and he's surprised at how well she looks after two months, he would almost say she has a glow about her. It's hard to believe that he's caused her so much pain over two months, two months of his life he doesn't even remember. He returns his gaze to the road before him.

When the elevator doors open on the fourth floor of the Twelfth Precinct, Kate steps off first and he follows behind her to her desk. They both sit in their respective chairs and he sees Kate sneak a glance at him and smile to herself. She's logging into her computer and Castle decides to go into the break room and make them each a cup of coffee, a small step to normalcy.

He gets up out of his seat and that's when he notices the murder board. Smack dab in the middle of it is his face. He takes a deep breath and walks on past. The murder board will have to wait, coffee first.

Once he steps inside the breakroom he walks over to the corner where the espresso machine still resides. He pours the beans into the grinder and waits for the coffee to brew. Then he pulls out their mugs from the cupboard, selecting one of the generic precinct branded for himself and her round-bottomed navy blue. He prepares the coffee as they each like and heads out of the breakroom and back to Kate's desk.

He places Kate's coffee on her desk and she looks over to him when she hears the quiet clank.

"I thought this would be a good start to our afternoon," he smiles at her.

She hesitates before wrapping her hands around the mug, "Thank you, Castle, it looks wonderful." She takes a small sip before placing it back down on her desk.

He retakes his seat next to Kate's desk, puts his mug to his mouth, and takes a sip. As the hot liquid moves down his throat, he's reminded that this is the first thing that's felt normal since he woke up. Sitting in his chair at the Twelfth and drinking coffee while watching the love of his life work diligently.

"Found any information?" he asks Kate.

She looks over to him. "I contacted the DMV to see what information they can give me on Jenkins, along with trying to see if their website was hacked. This fake Jenkins lead is really the only thing we have."

Castle takes another sip of his coffee and notices Kate's fingers twitch as she reaches for her coffee, instead she reaches for her pen to twirl.

"Castle, we're going to figure out what happened, find the truth. No matter how long it takes." She says it with such conviction that he knows she means it. The ringing of her phone startles them both.

Kate looks down at the device and back at Castle, "Maybe it's the DMV… Beckett?"she says into the phone and looks back over to Castle with a nod.

Good, he thinks, hopefully they'll be able to start to get some answers. He continues to watch her as she talks on the phone and then begins to jot down what information the caller is giving her.

"Yes… okay… thank you for getting back to me so quickly." She ends the call and looks over to him. "We're getting some answers, Castle. The DMV database was hacked and the man I met yesterday was a fake Jenkins. Unfortunately, they're not able to track who did the hacking. They said it's someone with sophisticated software who knew how not to be tracked."

She leans back in her chair, closes her eyes and places her hands on top of her head with a frustrated grunt. She stays in this position for a moment before she leans forward and pushes her chair back to stand up.

He watches as Kate walks over to the murder board to update the information. He feels slightly vindicated with the revelation of this information. There's still a ton of unanswered questions, but you have to start somewhere. Now that he knows that this _witness_ is a fake he hopes the healing will begin in his relationship with Kate.

He makes a quick trip to the restroom, and takes the opportunity to observe Kate as he steps down the hall towards her . She's still in front of the murder board, but sitting on the end of her desk. Her eyes are closed and she has placed a hand low on her abdomen. His eyes glance back over to the untouched cup of coffee he brought her a while back.

He walks toward her and she opens her eyes as his footsteps get closer. When she looks up to see who's walking towards her, she drops the hand of her abdomen and gives him a tight smile. He takes a seat on the edge of the desk with several inches of space between them. He's still not sure if he can sit directly next to her. His suspicion is roused by her behavior, but he could be over-thinking it. She turns and looks at him, but she doesn't get any farther as her face turns white.

"I'll be right back, Castle." Kate gets off the desk quickly and practically runs to the bathroom.

Well, his hunch is confirmed, but he's not going to bring it up until they are in privacy of their bedroom tonight, he hopes.

Kate returns a few minutes later looking much better, with color in her face again. He's looking at the murder board as she returns to her spot.

He notices she's added the picture of the real Jenkins along with changing the information of fake Jenkins and placing him under the suspect part of the board. They both continue to study the murder board, though nothing is sticking out to him, and none of it really makes sense either.

Kate told him that the ten thousand dollars he took out for their honeymoon was used to have the car that chased him off the road crushed. And that he was the one that delivered the money to the dumpster. There's even a photograph on the board showing him in the act, which is particularly chilling, as he doesn't remember doing it. Other than the tidbit of information about the fake Jenkins, they have nothing.

With that terrible truth, he's ready to head home for the evening. They've hit a dead end, and an evening away plus a good night's sleep always helps to clear his head. Everything feels so jumbled up in there right now anyway, he wonders if his mind will ever feel settled again.

"Are you ready to go back to the loft?" She asks with a shaky voice and slight smile.

"Yeah, let's go home, get some dinner and a good night's sleep." He smiles at her and they both start walking down the hallway towards the elevator.

Kate stops after they've taken a few steps. "Castle, I... I haven't been staying at the loft. I just couldn't live there without you." She hangs her head.

He reaches his hand up and lifts her chin so he can look her in the eyes.

"I know, Kate," he smiles at her. She doesn't flinch when he laces their fingers together and continue to walk to the elevator. It will take some work, but he knows they're going to be okay.

* # * # * #

They easily fall back into their nightly routine, but instead of chatting about the day or the case they're working on, it's just silent. The only sound heard is the water running as they brush their teeth. He finishes first and puts his toothbrush away, leaving Kate to finish brushing her teeth and wash the makeup off her face.

As he moves back into their bedroom everything is exactly how he remembers. He wonders how many days it was, until Kate went back to her apartment. He walks over to his side of the bed to place his watch on the nightstand. He turns his head when he hears Kate's footsteps as she walks out of the bathroom.

"We're going to find out what happened," Kate says to him as she fidgets with her engagement ring.

"I know. The unknown is hard though."

He walks towards the end of the bed, takes a seat in the middle and feels his heart flutter as she walks over to him.

She sits on the bed right next to him and presses her face into his chest and her arm slips around his back. He looks down to see her wipe at the tears on her face. It really hurts him to see her like this especially since he knows he's the cause. He has caused her so much pain, and he's possibly missed the beginning of a huge life change.

"We'll find our way Kate," he husks into her hair, dusting a kiss onto the fine strands.

"Yes," she speaks with a hoarse whisper and clears her throat. "Yes we will," she says confidently to him.

"I'm so sorry for everything that I have put you through. I never want to hurt you and I feel terrible that I have. " He hopes she believes these words.

"I know Castle, it's not your fault, and you went through a lot." She continues to wipe a rough hand at the tears that are falling uncontrollably.

"I know, but it's not the same, I don't remember. I do know that I missed you terribly, because there's no way I wouldn't."

They sit on the end of the bed together, his arm around her and his hand squeezing her shoulder. There are a myriad of emotions running through his head. Sadness, that they've reached such a low point in their relationship; hurt, because of the unkind words that have come out of their respective mouths; anger at the people who took him away; and confusion because nothing about his disappearance makes sense.

He looks down at the top of Kate's head as he can feel her trying to turn and look at him.

"Rick, I have something I need to tell you... I know we're just starting to find solid ground, but I don't want to wait. This isn't how I wanted to tell you, but I..." She's rambling, and he's pleased that she's not going to wait any longer to tell him. He goes ahead and puts her out of her misery as she struggles to find the words.

"You're pregnant?" The look on her face as he speaks is classic, he's glad he's still able to get that shocked look from her.

"How… How do you know?" Her voice gasps with surprise as she looks into his eyes.

He smiles down at her and laughs. "Kate, you didn't drink the coffee I gave you at the precinct, along with practically running to the bathroom. Plus while you were yelling at me at the campsite you told me you thought we would make a family together."

She lets out a watery giggle, "Yeah you're right." She continues to shift onto his lap, until she's straddling him and looking into his eyes. She wraps her arms around his neck and stares into his eyes for a moment, before she leans in to kiss him.

He almost breaks away in surprise. He hadn't thought she was ready for this sort of intimate physical contact, but he responds with enthusiasm within a couple of seconds, pressing a hot palm to the small of her back while the other marks a slow path from her hip to her knee.

She breaks the kiss off and presses her forehead against Castle's, both enjoying just listening to their breathing. She keeps her arms around his neck and leans back to study his face

"A baby," he murmurs to her. "We made a baby!"

"Yeah, a baby," she says around another giggle. "And before you even ask, we need some ground rules on names. Not gonna let you call our baby Cosmo, Rick."

He laughs at her remark and his face lights up with the smile that makes his eyes crinkle. He wraps his arms around Kate's waist. They stay like this for a few minutes, just savoring the moment.

Kate climbs off his lap to stand up, and as she turns slightly Castle reaches out and grabs her hand. She turns so she's facing him, which places her abdomen at eye level. He reaches out and places his hand on her tummy and she lays her hand on top of his. His hand dwarfs hers, and though he doesn't look up at her when he speaks he directs the words to her.

"Kate, I know we have work ahead of us, but I can't wait to meet our baby."

He looks up to stare directly into her eyes, her pupils dilated from the dim light on in their bedroom. Tears blur his vision and a couple of them trickle down his face, but a smile appears.

"I love you Kate."

* # * # *

_A/N Thank you so much for reading and I would love to hear your thoughts! :) Yes, there will be an epilogue. I'm on tumblr at narratinglife_


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